The Tolerable Relationship Tax: Why "Good Enough" Working Partnerships Quietly Drain Performance
“We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behavior.”
You're not fighting with your co-founder. Your cross-functional partner isn't toxic. Your leadership duo isn't broken.
But something's off.
Meetings take longer than they should. There's a slight delay before responses, a guardedness in tone, a sense that you're each mentally translating what the other person means. It's not bad enough to escalate. It's just... friction.
So, you tolerate it.
Here's what we're seeing at Groops: an influx of requests for 2:1 coaching; not because working relationships are collapsing, but because they're operating at 70%. And 70% feels manageable. Tolerable. Not worth the awkwardness of addressing.
Until it's not.
The Friction You Don't Notice Is Costing You
Low-grade relational friction doesn't announce itself dramatically. It shows up as meetings that somehow always run over, decisions that require multiple follow-up conversations, and a vague sense of walking on eggshells even when no one's upset.
You're not avoiding each other, you're just working around each other. It feels sustainable. But it's quietly compounding.
De Dreu & Weingart’s meta-analysis found consistent, substantial negative correlations between relationship conflict and team performance/satisfaction. Not through active conflict, but through cognitive load.
Your brain is running two operations simultaneously: the actual work, and the relationship management. That dual processing drains energy, slows decision-making, and creates what psychologists call "interaction strain."
The problem isn't that the relationship is broken. It's that it's not optimized. While that may sound intense and dramatic, in high-stakes, interdependent roles (co-founders, executive partnerships, cross-functional leads) sub-optimal compounds fast.
Why We Avoid Fixing "Good Enough"
Here's the paradox: the relationships that need the most attention are often the ones that feel least urgent.
When something's truly toxic, we act. When something's functional but friction-filled, we rationalize. It's not that bad. We're both busy. It'll get better after this project.
But tolerating low-grade friction creates silent costs: cognitive tax as you manage the relationship instead of the work, missed momentum as decisions take three conversations instead of one, and culture drift as misalignment at the top spreads downward.
Because the friction is tolerable, you postpone the conversation until miscommunication hardens into misalignment. Until "different communication styles" becomes "we don't trust each other's judgment."
The Psychology of Partnership Optimization
The best working relationships aren't conflict-free, they're friction-aware.
Research from John Gottman's lab (yes, the marriage researcher) translates surprisingly well to work partnerships. Gottman found that successful relationships aren't defined by the absence of conflict, but by how quickly partners repair after disconnection.
High-performing dyads:
Name small misalignments before they calcify
Clarify intent explicitly ("Here's what I meant by that")
Build repair rituals (regular check-ins, not just crisis conversations)
Optimize for collective performance, not individual comfort
The difference between a 70% partnership and a 95% partnership isn't talent. It's intentionality.
The Groops Take
At Groops, 2:1 coaching is our fastest-growing service. This isn’t because workplaces are more toxic, but rather because leaders are recognizing that tolerating friction is leaving performance on the table.
In 2:1 sessions, we create structured space for two people to surface the patterns they can't see from inside the relationship, translate what's been misinterpreted or assumed, and build explicit agreements about how they'll work together going forward.
We've seen co-CEOs who were "fine" unlock 6 months of stalled decisions in a single session. Cross-functional partners realize they'd been optimizing for politeness instead of clarity. Leadership duos who thought they just had "different styles" discover they'd been working from completely different definitions of success.
The goal isn't therapy. It's optimization. And optimization requires a third chair. Someone outside the dynamic who can name what's happening, interrupt the pattern, and help you build something better.
Something to Try: The Partnership Diagnostic
If you're in a critical working relationship that feels "fine but not great," try this reflection:
Energy check: Does working with this person energize or drain you?
Translation test: How often are you re-explaining what you meant or decoding what they meant?
Tension tolerance: What small friction are you tolerating because it's "not worth bringing up"?
If your answers reveal more friction than you realized, that's data. Tolerating 70% when 95% is possible isn't sustainable. It's expensive.
How to Start the Conversation (Without Stressing the Relationship)
The goal is to frame this as strengthening the partnership, not fixing problems. You're investing in how you work together, not pointing out flaws. Here are simple ways to open the conversation:
Start with Shared Goals
“Since we set the tone for the team, staying aligned and communicating well is key. I’d love to make sure we’re operating as smoothly as possible.”
Normalize Fine-Tuning
“Nothing’s wrong, great teams just do intentional tune-ups. It would be helpful to set aside time to make sure our collaboration is really working for us.”
Own Your Side
“I’ve noticed I sometimes assume instead of checking in, that’s on me. I want our communication to be as clear and easy as possible.”
Invite, Don’t Pressure
“I’ve been thinking about how we can make our collaboration even smoother. I came across Groops’ 2:1 coaching. It’s more like a partnership tune-up than anything heavy. Would you be open to trying a session together?”
Ready to Optimize, Not Just Tolerate?
Groops' 2:1 coaching helps leadership partners, co-founders, and cross-functional dyads move from functional to exceptional. We work with the relationships that don't need fixing,they need fine-tuning.
Our psychology-based approach combines expert facilitation with real-time pattern recognition to help you surface what's been unsaid, clarify what's been misunderstood, and build explicit agreements that make working together feel easier, faster, and more aligned.
Because the best working relationships aren't the ones without friction. They're the ones that know how to name it, repair it, and keep moving forward together.